I have beef with Fifty Shades of Grey. There, I said it. I haven’t even read this diatribe of poor writing, and I have no intention to, so feel free to correct me where I’m off base. From what I know, Fifty Shades of Grey is a feminist nightmare…nay, a women’s nightmare. Forget that, it is a nightmare for all thinking people!
As anyone who hasn’t been hiding under a rock for the past month should know; Murray fucked up Wimbledon, Barclays fixed the LIBOR rate and…oh hey, the female population of the Western world is obsessed with a porno. Let me caveat the first paragraph. While the genre of erotica is of no interest personally, it is extremely important as an integral mechanism to the sexual liberation of women. The age old adage that men want sex more than women is being thwarted by the unwavering consumption (20 million copies of the franchise to date) of a novel which would make Jilly Cooper blush. I’ve seen women reading and discussing it on flights, on the tube, trains, buses…wherever I go, I see this book. SO, COUPLES (note: NOT just men, you’re both implicated in making your sex life work) you clearly both want it, but you’re DOING IT WRONG! Quick sex on a Wednesday night after you’ve put the kids to bed, clearly isn’t cutting it. Fantasy and variation bla bla bla…I won’t bore and embarrass myself or you…seem to be the key to a woman’s…errr…heart. Sex is an integral element of relationships, and that a population of women is reading and getting excited is great! Furthermore, the discussion of female experiences allow women to take agency over their sexuality and change their sexual relationships for the better. We could be looking at a revolution here.
Sadly, we’re not. This book poses a storyline of unprecedented male power. Outside of the bedroom, Grey is outrageously socio-economically dominant; he is rich and powerful beyond measure apparently. This inherently reflects real life, whereby women are brainwashed to expect that a potential partner be richer, more powerful, usually at least a few years older and generally a few inches taller than them. Women themselves expect dominance in real life, a harmful expectation which limits how they see themselves, as well as how men see them. Fifty Shades of Grey plays into this negative paradigm in an extreme way, is read by millions of women and reinforced the world over. Hardly the empowerment one would hope for.
This isn’t a problem only for women’s sense of empowerment, but it is also worrying from a man’s perspective. Where do we get off on putting all this pressure on our men?! Be rich. Be powerful. Be successful. Be tall (you may laugh, but I encounter, on a regular basis, men insisting emphatically, almost desperately, that they REALLY ARE taller than me when I’m not wearing heels). Be…er…old (ok, that’s a little off, but certainly ‘be sexually experienced’ is a huge pressure we put on our men – the ‘male slag’ is never revered, only celebrated). The scale of macho-expectance we put on men is worrying to me. I worry about the disconnect between expectation and reality, and how it must feel for a man to, by proxy, be made to feel not like a ‘real man’ when he isn’t all of those things. For sure, there are a plethora of men out there who resist and ignore the stereotypes. However, the prevailing notion of machoism, success and power permeate our societies and are the back drop of our day to day lives; they dominate our boardrooms, our banks, our relationships, and apparently our bedrooms.
But wait, there’s more. Let’s up the ante on the women…guess what?…the female protagonist, Anastasia Steele is not only young, but she’s a VIRGIN! Brilliant. Why don’t we continue to play into the biblical notion of a woman’s worth being tied into her virginity and being ‘spoiled’ by sex? She somehow made it through the American collegiate system, free from sexual encounter, only to sign her free will away to become a sex slave. Let me put this delicately…if we have sex, we’re sluts, if we don’t, we’re frigid. Steele is simultaneously naïve, virginial, sweet…AND sexual – in an ‘S&M-sign-your-life-away’ kind of way. It’s a headfuck for our young women who are told to be all things, but scorned when they eschew any one of them. Indeed, Steele struggles to reconcile her past with her present, questions herself, experiences feelings of guilt…and other general headfuckery. Well done E. L. James.
Inside the bedroom…jeez! Rather than a space where two adults come together in mutual agreement, meeting on equal terms based in trust, we have a young virgin entering into a legal contract to be submissive to a psychologically damaged dominatrix, who moulds her to his preferences of bondage and sadism. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not about kink-shaming. People have all kinds of sexual preferences and should exercise them as they please, but the unbalanced hierarchies of power in this book play into ideologies of patriarchy in a frighteningly violent manner, in situations of utmost intimacy and vulnerability. This is not female sexual liberation, this is en-mass acceptance of female sexual and cultural powerlessness.
To the women who bought this book, DON’T YOU REALISE WHAT YOU’RE DOING? Your consumption of this tripe confirms and re-affirms a cycle of male authority. You’re complicit in a social, legal, political, economic and sexual organisation of male dominance. I’ve seen men commenting on other articles to the tune of ‘you see, all women want is a rich, dominant guy they can live off’, ‘all women want is to be submissive to men’ and even ‘all a woman needs is a stern talking to and a good slap in the face’. I don’t even know where to start with this. More than anything, I’m embarrassed that millions of women are trooping off like sheep to buy a culturally damaging book with absolutely no recognition of its patriarchal connotations. I’m embarrassed that a woman wrote a book so damaging. And, on a lesser scale I’m offended by the unabashed consumption of such poor writing. WAKE UP WOMEN! Yes, demand erotica. Yes, create better sex lives for yourselves. But recognise shit writing and damaging stereotypes when you see them, and REJECT them, for the sake of yourselves, your men and your sex lives.
Have you read Fifty Shades of Grey? Has it changed your life? Have you rolled your eyes at cringe-worthy writing, but nevertheless seen a different side to this steamy plot that I’m missing? Am I completely off base? Am I the only sane woman left in the world? Who knows. And now I await the backlash…
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Author: Natalie Gyte
Natalie works as Head of Communications at Women’s Resource Centre, a UK based umbrella organisation for more than 360 women’s charities. She is a graduate of London School of Economics and Political Science, having studied a Masters in Comparative Politics with Research.
Al Jazeera
Thank you for this review. Really, thank you, for being sane. I have read the book so that I could get my take on it, and everything you have written about it is absolutely correct.
Really nicely written! The biggest issue I have is people (men and women) buying this book, simply because everyone else is..
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It is JUST A BOOK!
I have read so many negative reviews about this book, from people who try and see the worst in it. Why can’t you see the good!!!
I read all three. I haven’t enjoyed a book so much in ages…
Why? Well for one it was exciting! I took me years back when I was a teenager and I was so naive, etc probably just like Ana, and I enjoyed that! I enjoyed feeling like this again, thanks to this book.
Yes, I do like dominant men, who know what they want, not as in ‘I’m going to beat you up if you do not listen to me’, but ones who are strong and respectful and what to take care of you! What is wrong with that!? I am strong, I can take care of myself, I work, I get enough money, but at the same time I want a man who could take care of me and give me all I need on days I do not want and cannot be strong enough. Truth is men like this do not exist unfortunately. But a girl can dream.
In the end, Christian and Ana tried hard to make it work by balancing everything. He was not her dominant and she was not his! They were equal, she took care of him when he needed and he took care of her when she did.
Instead of reading bad reviews of people who only probably read the first book, read all three and realise that in the end it is a very good, romantic, realistic, unrealistic and exciting book! After all it is a fictional book, but at the same time it has so much we can learn from about real life.
Personally, I loved the trilogy! It was easy to read, annoying at times, but so true!
This is not a book about BDSM, this is a book about one sick, abusive man and his obsession with a young woman. He even stalks her and she makes jokes about it. Christian is controlling, possessive, and cruel. He doesn’t allow Ana to behave as she normally would, and Ana just puts up with it. How many idiotic, weak women are going to waste their lives on some emotionally retarded prick because they’ve read crap like this and think this kind of fucked-up fairytale will come true for them?
As both an erotic romance novelist and a submissive, I feel somewhat qualified to respond to this post.
While I wholeheartedly feel and understand your anger and frustration at this book, and while I could *never* in good conscience recommend it to anyone, I both agree with much that you said and take exception to a few things as well.
Ms. James does reach several points of brilliance in either dialogue or in simply striking the perfect chord with the chemistry between her characters. I think one of the biggest flaws of this book, aside from her overall inexperience in writing a novel, is her decision to make the story first person and to use as her POV character a woman who has the charisma of mud. The appeal of this book is simple, she created a complex flawed sexy hero in one Christian Grey and MANY women have the fantasy of being dominated by a rich sexy man. We all deserve our fantasies for what they are.
Where I take offense with your POV is when I feel you are saying that I don’t have the intelligence to differentiate between fantasy and reality. Like I’m going to read this book and somehow define my life by it. Some immature, insecure women may be affected in such a way, but to say the female population by and large can’t discriminate between fantasy and fiction, that’s insulting.
This book truly isn’t an erotic novel at all. The language is too tame and the sex scenes are nowhere near descriptive enough to even make any regular reader of the genre bat a lash. It’s a romance with the adult theme of BDSM which the author clearly doesn’t understand past her own possibly fantasies.
I am an intelligent, independent, self sufficient woman. I am very successful in my career, have a rich social life, contribute to my community and happen to be fairly well educated, I am however also a submissive in my primary romantic relationship. This is a choice I make based on who I am as a woman and what I need.
The intricacies of D/s are not easily understood from the outside world and they are not all about the stereotype. However, I will tell you from my personal experiences in life both in and out of D/s, I am a stronger, more independent, more confident woman when I have a Dom in my life. Sadly most women don’t understand that and this book makes me cringe in the way it presents BDSM. Personally, I have a great passion for educating people on the layers of BDSM and when done right, being a sub doesn’t take from you, it empowers you.
I don’t think that is a hit to feminism, if anything I think the fact that I can make this choice for myself, that I get to choose who and IF I’ll give my submission to a man and not have it forced on me, in itself is feminism in action.
Humans are complex beings and we cannot expect or demand that we all follow along in cookie cutter fashion the life deemed acceptable by one group of people. We need to have a willingness to look past the surface of a life and see the beauty or brokenness beneath and try to understand it. Only then do we reach higher levels of our own existence.
Feminism is a collection of movements aimed at defining, establishing, and defending equal political, economic, and social rights for women. Hence giving me the “right” to gift my submission to a man I deem worthy of it.
I wholeheartedly agree with you that we as women are VERY unaccepting of men. We have damaged them and our relationships in large part because we feel society giving us the constant message that we need equality and I don’t think enough women truly looks at what that means in their relationships.
My worth does not come from being able to *be* a man. I am female and I relish in that. My worth is indisputable. However, my relationships work when I find a man I can compliment, not match beat for beat. Too many marriages become battlegrounds looking for this “equality” and that is a tragedy in itself and cannot be blamed on this book or BDSM.
I’m just saying, there are messages coming at us from every angle, but it only becomes a real issue when we stop deciding for ourselves what is acceptable for our lives and relationships and what is not. Whether I am submissive, CEO, ruler of the free world, so long as I am authentically me, living to my fullest potential, then my sexual preferences, no matter what they are, should not be a reflection on my worth. If I prefer to be tied to a wall when having sex, that’s not anybody’s business but my own and my partner’s and it in NO way infringes on the rights of a woman who’d rather do it missionary style only on a Saturday night.
We live in an exciting time with our freedoms and our ability to make choices for our lives that do empower us and do make us stronger as women, but we do ourselves a GRAVE injustice when we attack one another because a person’s life choices scare, confuse, or otherwise anger us.
I do not like Fifty Shades of Grey. I do not like it’s message or it’s portrayal of BDSM. I do not like her writing style. I do not like much of anything about the book, but I do support her right to have written it and I do support the indulgence of a woman to read it if she so chooses. I would hope that anyone reading that book would have rolled her eyes and cringed at it’s lack of depth, character development and badly written prose, but alas that is NOT what has happened and THAT, imho, is the real tragedy of the Fifty Shade phenomena.
[...] Grey’s character (hihi) and i found Fifty Shades trilogy entertaining. i need not think of women issues of sorts. i’m not gonna stress myself out on that. yes, i’m shallow like that. so just [...]
I am shocked. You said you didn´t read it. And yet you are saying all these things. I have read all the books and I can say I am a feminist, in and out. And nothing about this book is offensive to me. I think you are over thinking. I totally like so called normal sex and I would never do anything SM related. And really there are some things related to it, but if you would have read it, you could have seen that she didn´t sign any papers, she didn´t agree to be a submissive and everything they did was absolutely consensual. Furthermore he worships the ground she walks on.
It is not about how rich or handsome or whatever a man has to be(he is not perfect and mentally very damaged), but about the fact that people in a relationship have to work hard and respect and love each other in order to have a good relationship. Of course there is also a lot of sex and erotica, but women are fully allowed to enjoy it, so no harm done.
I am not trying to offend you in any way but really, you have to at least read it before you judge it.
Where do I even begin? I bought the book on a whim. I bought the book because I identify with the “sub” culture (pun intended : )) However, after reading subsequent books two and three, I had to admit, this story did NOT go as I invisioned it. Nor did it go the way it would had it been real life for me. I hated Anastasia. She’s too naive, vapid even. How could graduate college and be so, for lack of a better term, dumb? I just finished reading the last book the other night. Disappointing, but not completely awful. Had some interesting mini-chapters about different time periods of their lives and Christians perspective though. The sex and and the sub/dom parts were pretty accurate. The rest of the story, PURELY fictionally.
I don’t know WHY people are taking a book so seriously. Life must be really boring for people to get angry over a book no one is gonna care about in a year. lol
Hi Natalie,
I’m really quite disappointed in this article. Isn’t it the proper course for any academic to actually read the literature being critiqued?
Firstly, I’d like to say your article is riddled with errors regarding this story. I’ll list SOME of them blow:
* Ana signs nothing! Sure the contract is put on the table & she really considers it, but it’s evident from the very start that Mr Grey’s feelings for her are very different to usual and he never actually asks her to sign it.
* Mr Grey was horrified when he found out she was a virgin, in fact, he insisted in taking her back home. It was Ana that said she wanted to stay.
* Sure Mr Grey is powerful & very controlling, at first, but as their relationship blooms it’s actually Ana that has all the power, and you see Mr Grey as the fragile man he really is. He says countless times throughout the book that she has all the control.
* There really isn’t any hard core BDSM in the story, sure in the beginning he wants to teach her things in preparation for the contract, but he takes it easy & finds he actually prefers the ‘vanilla’ thing, and it’s Ana that he finds this with.
* The story is about love and compromise. Their sexual relationship is not dominating and controlling, it’s wanting and loving and if you had read it, you would realise this.
I could go on & on about your total lack of knowledge about this story. it’s laughable that you’ve taken idle ‘chit-chat’ as a relevant source. Such a shame.
Again, I’ll point it out for you – ANA HAS ALL THE CONTROL! And given she knows all his demons & the reasons he’s the way he is, she doesn’t try to change him, she just ‘brings him into the light with her’.
I have read these books twice, and will read them again & again. I don’t feel repressed and I damn well don’t feel victimised, and neither does my husband. In fact, these books have been the best thing for our sex lives. Like Ana I was very shy & found it hard to express myself in the bedroom, I say THANK GOODNESS for these books & God Bless E.L James.
Who wouldn’t love to read about a mega-billionare throwing his money, charm & love at a normal suburban girl? Ever watched pretty woman? It’s very romantic & sensual.
Please, for the sake of being an accurate reviewer, do yourself a favor & read the damn things before you utter total crap and wrong information regarding this story!!!
I never reply to these sorts of things, but your article made me so mad! You’re entitled to your opinion of course, but NOT when you’ve not even read a single chapter!!
Totally disgraceful and totally dangerous to insinuate Ana was some sort of victim in all this. I expect better, especially someone who apparently works in female empowerment (the theme of this book), how ironic!!
Laters
Ms. Natalie Gyte really has no place criticising a book that she hasn’t even read. I’m fine with people who have read it and didn’t like it, its not for everyone. I hate people who say, “I haven’t actually read the book but I don’t like the messages its sending.” Are you kidding me? If you are one of these people, READ THE BOOK, then you may criticize it.
Not going to bash but how can you judge something if you haven’t read it ?
It’s like saying I don’t like chocolate when you never tasted it…
Read it and then judge… then your opinion will count.
You are certainly missing the story since you haven’t read it.
Yes, Anastasia is a virgin (I had an issue with that part, too) and agrees to be a submissive-but she never signs the contract.
This story is, first and foremost a love story. (Go ahead and laugh, but it is)Yes he’s rich, and she struggles with that. The trilogy is a journey into Anastasia’s sexuality and away from Christian’s dominance. We’re not sheep, it’s a fun fantasy story. Who doesn’t want a guy who is willing to change for the woman he loves? Who isn’t head over heals for a man who gives you the world and treats you like a queen?
Who are you to say what it’s about when you didn’t read it? There’s a lot more to it then what media has said, but you wouldn’t know that, your very quick to judge. And the sex in it was actually hot and since this got out a lot of ppl have admitted they do these things. Just because it don’t seem like it fits into the work you live in doesn’t mean you have to trash it. Give it a chance before you judge something you know nothing about
very interesting article!
As a poor grad student who lost his ex fiancee to an older guy with money, I have been struggling with this notion. I see very smart women being drawn to dominant macho guys and it always confused me! As a liberal guy raised by a strong woman I always expected a woman of high quality to not act like a damsel in distress and gravitate towards a guy just for his socioeconomic levels and his macho-ness. But you see this over and over again even among extremely intelligent and strong women.
So why is there such a disparity between our ideal and reality? I think its pretty simple! Biology. Why or how this has happened is beyond me, but a woman’s attraction to a powerful man is as genetically encoded as her hair color. Cultural norms have tried to override this to varying degrees of success. And some women, due to their biology again, tend to be more dominant and don’t have this sexual attraction for cavemen.
Most certainly evolution will start to change these traits of women now that survival doesn’t depend on brute force and finding an alpha male to protect you from invading tribes. But evolution moves slooow. So for the time being, I will try to not take it personally when women I meet don’t want to be with me due to my low income and other non-masculine traits (passion for cooking and yoga).
ps cultural evolution has as much force as biological evolution in many ways. And people like you writing articles like this are at the frontiers of this cultural evolution.
poor grad student